I Can Fix Her: Understanding The Savior Complex

Have you ever heard someone say, "I can fix her"? It's a phrase that's become super common, especially online. But what does it really mean, and where does it come from? Let's dive into the whole idea behind wanting to "fix" someone, why it's often a bad idea, and how to approach relationships in a healthier way.

The Allure of "Fixing" Someone

The concept of "I can fix her" usually pops up when someone sees another person, often a woman, who seems to be struggling with something. Maybe she's been through a tough time, has some quirks, or doesn't quite fit into society's norms. The person who thinks they can "fix" her believes that with their help, guidance, or love, they can make her a better, happier person. This idea is rooted in a few different things.

First, there's the savior complex. This is when someone feels a strong need to rescue others, often stemming from their own insecurities or a desire for validation. They might think that by fixing someone else, they'll feel more important, capable, or worthy. It's like they're trying to prove their own value by taking on someone else's problems. — Barclays .NET Problems: Common Issues & Solutions

Then, there's the romanticized notion of changing someone through love. We see this all the time in movies and books, where one person's unwavering affection transforms the other. While love can certainly be a powerful force for good, it's not a magic wand that can erase deep-seated issues or fundamentally change someone's personality. Love should be accepting and supportive, not conditional on someone becoming a different person. — Plant Of The Cashew Family: Crossword Solver & Info

Also, let's be real, sometimes it comes from a place of ego. The person might think they know better than the other person and that their way of life is superior. They might not respect the other person's choices or experiences and believe they have the right to impose their own values. This kind of thinking is not only arrogant but also incredibly damaging to any relationship.

Why "Fixing" Someone Doesn't Work

Okay, so you might be thinking, "What's so bad about wanting to help someone?" Well, the problem isn't wanting to help; it's the idea of "fixing" someone. Here's why it usually backfires:

• It's disrespectful: When you try to fix someone, you're essentially saying that they're broken or inadequate. This can be incredibly hurtful and undermine their self-esteem. Everyone deserves to be accepted for who they are, flaws and all.
• It's controlling: Trying to change someone else is a form of control. You're trying to mold them into your ideal version of them, which isn't fair to them. People have the right to make their own choices and live their lives as they see fit.
• It's exhausting: Seriously, trying to fix someone is draining. It takes a lot of time, energy, and emotional resources. And most of the time, it doesn't even work. You'll end up feeling frustrated, resentful, and burned out.
• It's based on a flawed premise: The idea that you can fundamentally change someone else is often unrealistic. People can grow and evolve, but they can't be completely transformed by someone else's will. True change comes from within.
• It can create codependency: When you're focused on fixing someone, you can become overly involved in their life and neglect your own needs. This can lead to a codependent relationship, where both people are unhealthy and unhappy.

A Healthier Approach to Relationships

So, if you shouldn't try to fix someone, what should you do instead? Here are some tips for building healthier, more fulfilling relationships:

• Accept people for who they are: This is the most important thing. Appreciate the other person's unique qualities, even if they're not perfect. Remember, everyone has flaws, and that's what makes them human.
• Offer support, not solutions: Instead of trying to fix their problems, offer a listening ear and a shoulder to cry on. Let them know you're there for them, no matter what. Sometimes, just knowing that someone cares is enough.
• Encourage self-growth: Instead of trying to change them directly, encourage them to pursue their own goals and passions. Support their efforts to become the best version of themselves, without trying to control the process.
• Set healthy boundaries: It's important to have boundaries in any relationship. Don't let yourself become overly involved in the other person's problems, and don't neglect your own needs. Remember, you can't pour from an empty cup.
• Focus on yourself: Ultimately, the best way to help someone else is to take care of yourself. Work on your own issues, pursue your own goals, and be the best version of yourself. When you're happy and healthy, you'll be better able to support others.

Recognizing the Red Flags

It's also crucial to recognize when someone is trying to "fix" you. Here are some red flags to watch out for:

• Constant criticism: If someone is always pointing out your flaws or telling you what you need to change, that's a red flag. Constructive criticism is one thing, but constant negativity is a sign that they're trying to control you.
• Unsolicited advice: Offering advice is fine, but if someone is constantly telling you what to do, even when you haven't asked for their opinion, that's a problem. It shows that they don't respect your autonomy.
• Trying to change your appearance or personality: If someone is trying to change the way you dress, act, or think, that's a major red flag. Your appearance and personality are part of who you are, and you shouldn't have to change them for anyone.
• Making you feel guilty or inadequate: If someone is making you feel like you're not good enough or that you need to change in order to be loved, that's emotional manipulation. You deserve to be with someone who accepts you for who you are.

In Conclusion

The idea of "I can fix her" might seem appealing, but it's ultimately a harmful and unrealistic approach to relationships. Instead of trying to fix someone, focus on accepting them for who they are, offering support, and encouraging self-growth. And remember, the best way to help someone else is to take care of yourself first. Let’s create relationships based on mutual respect, acceptance, and genuine connection, not on the flawed idea of fixing someone. — October's Full Moon: A Complete Guide